TOUCH DOWN: Texas A&M head coach Mike Elko has officially announced his departure from the team as he signed a new contract worth $301.7 million dollars with…see more

In a move that has stunned the college football world and defied the very laws of gravity, Texas A\&M head coach Mike Elko has officially announced his departure from the Aggies just eight months into his tenure. The surprise announcement came early Sunday morning as Elko confirmed he has signed an eye-popping, record-breaking \$301.7 million contract — not with another university, not with an NFL team, but with the newly established Lunar Football League (LFL) franchise, the **Moon Marauders

Yes, you read that right. The Moon. Like, the one orbiting Earth.

From Aggie Land to the Final Frontier

“I’ve always said football is bigger than life,” Elko stated during a press conference held at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “But I never imagined it would take me beyond the planet.”

Elko, 47, leaves behind a program he was just beginning to mold in his own image. After a promising spring and a fiercely competitive offseason, fans and analysts alike believed the Aggies were poised for a breakout year in the SEC. Instead, Elko is breaking the bounds of the stratosphere — quite literally.

The $301.7 million contract — fully guaranteed, mind you — will span six years, making Elko not only the highest-paid coach in football history but also the first to receive a portion of his salary in **lunar minerals and rare earth elements**.

The LFL, an ambitious new league bankrolled by a coalition of billionaires including Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and a mysterious Swiss investor known only as “Helios”, plans to launch its inaugural season in 2027. The Moon Marauders, based at Tranquility Base, are the flagship team of the new lunar sports initiative.

The Deal Details: Gravity-Defying Riches

The contract includes:

$50 million annual base salary
$20 million signing bonus in Helium-3 futures
Lifetime VIP passes to Earth-to-Moon SpaceX flights Partial ownership of the Mare Serenitatis Dome Stadium
An anti-gravity golf course membership for life

Elko’s family will reportedly reside in a pressurized luxury lunar condo designed by Elon Musk’s architectural side project, Tesla Terraces*. Equipped with oxygen gardens, 360-degree Earth views, and a 0.16G water slide, it’s the future of housing — and the envy of college coaches everywhere.

“Coach Elko is a pioneer,” said Musk via hologram during the announcement. “He’s not just building a team; he’s building a civilization.”Backlash in College Station

News of Elko’s departure hit Texas A\&M fans like a 300-pound linebacker at full speed. The Aggie faithful, known for their loyalty and tailgate traditions, were blindsided.

“I thought Jimbo leaving was crazy,” said senior A\&M student Carter Hayes. “But at least he went to another school. Elko just left Earth. I mean… what am I supposed to do with my maroon moon boots now?”

Meanwhile, A\&M Athletic Director Ross Bjork held a hastily arranged press conference at Kyle Field.

“We wish Coach Elko nothing but the best in his galactic pursuits,” Bjork said, visibly stunned. “This is a first for us. Normally we worry about the NFL poaching our talent — now we have to worry about NASA?”

Sources indicate the university is already scrambling to find a replacement, with early candidates ranging from NFL coordinators to retired astronauts. Bjork wouldn’t confirm rumors that Tom Brady was approached but did say, “We’re keeping all options on the table — Earthbound or otherwise.”

What is the Lunar Football League?

The LFL is the latest experiment in sports-meets-space. Backed by a \$7 billion venture capital fund called “ZeroG Sports”, the league plans to feature eight teams located across various lunar bases. The game will feature modified rules to accommodate the Moon’s one-sixth gravity, including:

* **40-yard fields**
* **Hover-ball technology**
* **Rocket-assisted tackles**
* **Touchdowns scored by launching into a 30-foot vertical zone**

“The Moon gives us a chance to reimagine the game,” said LFL Commissioner Tessa Rayburn. “No more concussions — just low-gravity collisions and epic slow-motion highlights.”

Training camps are expected to begin in late 2026, with players already undergoing anti-gravity conditioning. Word has it that several former NFL players — including a retired J.J. Watt and a reanimated Tom Brady clone — have expressed interest in playing.

### What’s Next for Elko?

When asked about the risks of lunar life, Elko shrugged. “Sure, there are challenges — like breathing and the constant threat of being sucked into the vacuum of space — but I’ve coached in the SEC. I’ve faced LSU at night. I’ll be fine.”

He emphasized that this isn’t a stunt, but a genuine desire to push the boundaries of the sport.

“I’ve always said football is about vision, discipline, and execution. Whether it’s in College Station or on the Sea of Tranquility, that doesn’t change. Except maybe the field goal trajectory.”

Sources confirm that Elko’s playbook has already been adapted for lunar physics. Designed by MIT engineers and coordinated by an AI known as “GridironOS”, the system accounts for atmospheric absence, micro-meteorites, and time dilation.

“I think Coach Elko is going to revolutionize coaching,” said former QB Johnny Manziel, who is rumored to be considering a comeback — with the Moon Marauders.

### Final Thoughts: What Does This Mean for College Football?

Elko’s departure marks a strange new era in the arms race of college football. With TV contracts ballooning and NIL deals reaching the stratosphere (literally, now), the line between entertainment, science fiction, and athletics continues to blur.

“This is just the beginning,” warned ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit. “You think this is wild? Wait until Nick Saban comes out of retirement to coach on Mars.”

For now, Aggies fans will have to look skyward when they think of their former coach. And maybe — just maybe — someday tune in to see him leading the Moon Marauders to their first LFL title against the *Jupiter Jets* or the *Saturn Rings*.

ne.